Me and diiiiinnnhoooooo

Someone could please explain to me what was that awesome night ?????

Oh my!

New days on my way !

2014 was so tough! So cruel ... 

I was surrounded by lies ... Fake love , hypocrisy , lack of respect and feelings ... Ewwwwww 

Aj told me something that shake my whole world ... He said words that healed my wounds and make me keep going on.

I will be forever greatful to you my handsome friend ! Forever in debt to your priceless advise!

I wish you nothing but happiness and love !

I'll see you so fucking soon ! Hahahhahaha

Yay!!

No need to say that peace of mind brings happiness and understanding :)

I guess I should also post here whenever im happy ( I tend to be impressed and stressed with all the negative stuff but I'm so funking happy that I just decided to write )

God : you are the best ! The best !! B-e-s-t! Thanks for where answers and blessings !

...and the storm is over and ao the dog days ! Who get love , have it all.

:F

No contact

It has been 14 days since I completely cut my ex off. How do I feel about it? I feel like I did the right thing. I'm feeling lighter and relaxed.

I thought about his offer ( a friendship one) and it never made too much sense.

How can I be friend with someone who hurt me so bad ( even on his last night in rio)...a guy who offered me lies , lack of empathy and lack of love? A guy who always put strangers first?

A guy who whenever the problems comes ... Runs to another lady ... And instead of fighting with me to make all this problems fade... He choose to believe that he did his best... That he tried hard... And whatever else...

Being away from him and after creating all

This distance made me realize even more that I was right . That I can't handle with such a douchebag.

He can believe in whatever he wants to.But the consequences of our actions shows the reality....

I got deeply hurt so I choose to hold tight to my dignity and self respect.

In the end of the day it was not that hard at all...(AT ALL)

We miss good things.... We miss when love warm your heart,  true plans... Laugh... Warm hugs ... Hot kisses...

We miss honest... We miss a real friend... I can't miss any of this when the subject is my last ex...he gave me nothing just pain , headache and stress.should anyone in this world miss this kind of stuff? Well... I certainly don't.

I don't have any intention to get back in contact with him. My condition was : do you wanna talk to me ? So remove all those things and people that hurt me somehow while we were In a relationship or when we were trying to save something.

He never understood that for being friends we needed it... We needed to come clean and erase whatever hurt us... 

The only thing I got from him was an email asking how I was doing and he stalking me at LinkedIn ( oh my! Hahahha)

So I guess it's pretty obvious that I won't contact you...

Ah... He asked me how I was doing....the answer is : I have never been so great.

I thought I would die when you left my home ... What I had no idea was how I would start living again from the moment you left my life.

Thanks for asking....

The one who tried harder

Tudo que vai... Volta?

Não. Acho a vida interessantíssima ...

Algumas pessoas chegam ...e saem da sua vida de uma forma que nem vc entende... Talvez por não fazer a menor diferença ...

Já outras ... Chegam de uma forma que não tem como vc não notar... Chega de uma maneira avassaladora ... E tbm se vão... Mas fica aquele vazio... Um buraco que ngm sabe explicar...

Enfim... Nunca pensei que fosse falar isso mas ... Bem-vindo ao meu mundo ... Novamente.  

Does everything that once faded away , come back out of nowhere ? 

Nah! I really think that life is one of the most interesting things ever...

Some people come and leave your life in a way that you can't even understand ... But you just don't miss them and after sometime you feel relief ( when I feel like that it's when I'm sure I did the right thing). Although I have been feeling like this in this last 10 days ... I have to mention that others just come , rock your whole world and conceptions ... Then they gotta go ( for whatever reason )... Then you feel their absence ... You miss them... You miss the way you used to be with them... You miss the smiles and funny moments ... You miss the creative... The lack of shame when the subject is " show love"... You miss their love... Their friendship and the way they treated you.

Someone once told me that what matter is not the breakup itself ... It's not the reasons that leaded you to break up with someone ... But how things goes after that...

Did you fight for the love of your life or did you shut down and kept moving on?

Did you put all efforts to make sure that the other knows what you really want? Did you Show not only with workds but also with actions to the other part how special they are to you and how much you would be willing to do whatever it takes to keep them in your life ? 

Did you give up quickly ? Did you quit?

I did... But he never gave up... And this is what makes me feel so loved .

I needed to experience an horrible relationship in order to appreciate all this little things that I had once ... A paper shaped as a heart with my name on it in clued in his t-shirt in the middle of downtown ( rio); all the hours that he spent awake just for making sure he would be able to wish me a goodnight and catch up with me about my day...

The grape night ... The funny nights in Brazil and Germany ...

The way this guy made me feel so beautiful and desirable .... How down he got when we had the pregnancy result ( which was negative )...

How he was so sure about how great parents we would have been ( and now i see that even with all our differences ...we would be a loving and caring parents together .

... All the people that he choose to remove from his life in order to make sure our relationship was safe and sound...how I felt butterflies every day, every night... I felt like I was a teenager ... And no, I didn't feel ashame about it.

It always impressed me how sure he was about things that he wanted... About people that were worthy to fight for and those who was not worthy at all.

I dunno what future holds ... But I'm glad we met ...and I'm glad to feel ready for meeting you again pretty soon.

Life has a funny funny way of helping you out... Helping you out...

Closing time

I believe in love .

Even after all the disillusionment , after all the pain, the loneliness ,the heartbreak... Even after experiencing the disregard ... Yes, I believe in love.

I believe it because I felt love. I felt it deep inside of me. I felt it in many kisses shared, laughing, in many days when all I wanted was to hear some compliments , when I wanted that the other part could remember a date for celebrating our union ...

When I fight for him even when he didn't care for anything. I loved when I showed patience among all his impatience ...I felt love when I was truly willing to warm his cold heart.

I felt love when I expected him to feel the same.

I got hurt in the process .

What that means ? It might means that it's time to Let the one that I loved so bad... Go away .

It's time for me to be with myself again, find myself again and love again.

I didn't quit of loving . I just quit fighting for a person who after all this years can't show love.

Maybe love was never there. I might have loved for both of us or maybe " force him" to do it so by getting used with me.But by doing this , I not only got hurt but also tired of everything.

Love is not disposable ...

I believe in love . I just don't believe In his love anymore.

2015 no more illusions . It's about time to get clean for all the things that stopped me from sharing love.

It's a goodbye ... But as we all know : " every new beginning comes from some other beginnings ' end"

... Closing time.

Christmas time.

Sometimes we just need some trust.

When trust is gone can be really complicated but not irreversible .

When the other part tries hard to keep the true and honest... When they take other attitudes and actions in order to make things ok from that day ok.... This can be easily reversible ...

But if all that the other offers is lie and pain... When he keeps doing the same things and keep the same old people who once helped to get the problem even bigger just mean one thing : you mean nothing to him.

Christimas time ... Time to forgive ... Time to apologies ...

We can't forgive those who doesn't know why they should ask for forgiveness ...

This time once again... God showed me that it's fucking time to let it go.

Lesson learned 

Oh my!

I never thought that I would get this words today: 

" I would love it if you were to come to the US during your vacay, but thats not why I did it.  I would love it if me staying made you happy, but thats not why I did it.  I did it because I love you... and although there is definitely a part of me that wants to go home, I want you to know that I love you more."

Lonely

Today I understood a bit better my feelings linked to loneliness.

In fact this is linked to be surrounded by people who doesn't care about you ... Who doesn't listen to you.

Took me a long time to realize it but I finally did .

Listen

There is nothing more unattractive than a man who doesn't know what he wants ... Doesn't know what he does and , of course , doesn't have a clue about the consequences of his (lack of ) actions.

In general, I like people who knows what they want, fight for it and go deep in order to find their own answers and fix whatever has to be fixed.

It is always sad to end a relationship. But sometimes the other person doesn't give you any other choice.

I'm letting you go for good because you already let us go long long long time ago.

Once he asked me to " never press pause "... Sadly that's all he said ... He never gave me a reason for it . 

Now I'm pressing " stop" and honestly wishing you the best.

I am not looking for love ... But when it happen again , I hope it last... I hope it's true and genuine.

I'm really tired of all this plans who never come true... Tired of waiting and waiting until you see the whole demage that you caused.

Tired of crossing my fingers and hope that you choose me in the end.

Love is not like that.... Love Is the certain ... Not doubt.

I do believe in love and I feel sorry for those who can share it... Who can't show it... Who can't feel it and enjoy it 

Living and learning.

Fall out of love

To me everything was clear :D

But after reading this .... Hahahahaha

Just sharing it :

A bad foundation For a relationship and love to last, there has to be a very solid foundation for things to rest and grow upon. Maybe your relationship started off really shaky but you stayed together instead of taking time to fix things. Or maybe your relationship moved way too fast and important parts of building a relationship were missed. Relationships and love take time, effort, and energy. When a relationship has a bad foundation, eventually it will crumble

Lies and lack of trust Being betrayed is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. There is nothing worse than losing your trust in someone because they lied, cheated, or hid something important from you. Lies lead to lost trust and when trust isn’t there, love probably isn’t going to be there either. In some cases, the damage is done and is irreparable.

 

No communication You’ve heard it and read it before, but communication is vital if a relationship is going to last more than a few months. When the communication in a relationship is gone, it leaves a lot of room for conflict and untalked about emotions and problems. Instead, these issues build up, you two become more distant, and in the end one or both of you loses the emotions you once had for each other. Communication is a must for love to exist and to continue growing 

 

Being taken for granted You don’t know what you had until it’s gone. In some relationships, couples will take each other, and their relationship, for granted. Many people go into a relationship or even a marriage with the idea that love is unconditional and no matter what, their partner will be in love with them. However, when laziness sets in and respect starts to become a thing of the past, it’s easy for someone to fall out of love.

 

Lack of excitement In order to keep a relationship fresh, there has to be some excitement and fun in it. When a relationship becomes boring or even exhausting, it can definitely take an emotional toll on the people who are involved in it. It’s hard to continue to love someone when your relationship has become a monotonous routine. No relationship can stay in the honeymoon phase forever, but when the sparks are lost, emotions can be lost too

 

Secrets revealed In a relationship, it’s best to be the real you and not keep any secrets. However, a lot of people are known for telling white lies or lying their way out of things in order to keep something else hidden. Finding out that your partner is a closet drug user or discovering that your partner really isn’t who he/she acts or says to be can definitely take a toll on your emotions. It’s hard to love someone who isn’t the person you thought they were.

 

 

Lack of support When you’re in a relationship with someone, you expect them to support you in all ways possible. You want to know that your partner supports your career decisions, educational decisions, and even personal decisions. When you no longer support the person you’re with, emotional issues are bound to arise. Being in a relationship is all about being in your partner’s corner, always. When you’re no longer there, you begin to pull your emotions back.

 

 

 

 

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Georgetown email

So yesterday!

Some plans were just written on paper...

This is gone .

Little messages :)

I know you read my blog :)

And I like to know that I have somehow someone over there who thinks of me.

This little mesaages have been making my day lately .

Thank you.

More lies

Dang! When will this boy realize that I already know his plan?

People sometimes think we are too stupid! 

Check it out: some days ago I was really honest with Ian by saying that I didn't see any benifts from his relationship and even friendship ....and that by saying that I guess that the best was that he could move from my home.

He said " hopefully I can show you the benifts of my friendship "

Yesterday I noticed that he was checking " easy quarto "( a website that allows  you to rent a room) .... 

 

The reality is he can't afford with an apartment in rio ... So it's convenient to be in my apartment until he finds something.

It's not about working on something.... It's not about trying to make me see the benifts of this friendship.... It's just one little thing called " convenient"

Fool me fool me :D

Hahahahahhahahahahah

Lolo part 2

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lolo

I never mentioned here but I love this little girl!

This cute girl is my cousin : lolo :D

She is really smart and funny too ! I spent some time with her today as well and it was really interesting how my " maternal side" screamed at my soul when I was with her.

inside of me I feel ready , I feel like this is the little something that has been missing in my life.

I hope God bless me with a wonderful family :) with a handsome , honest and protective huby and a funny , smart and cute daughter !

Oh my God! I hope this little dream comes true :)

Love you lolo 

:)

Today I had the chance to know Bruno a bit better and it was pretty interesting.

I felt myself relaxed and appreciating his company . It feels right somehow .

I allowed myself to have fun and be happy again.

I recognize that I have been pretty needy so I guess the feeling of being " entertained " would happen pretty much with anyone else.

For now , I'm enjoying ;)

It's 2:16 and I can't sleep ! And for the first time in a long time : I'm not loosing my sleep because I'm sad... Mad... Frustrated or whatever else negative feelings I used to hold .... I can't sleep because I realized that I'm ready really ready to fly away and feel loved and share love !

Excited ! 

Fall seven times, stand up eight!

 

Do you get back up and shake it off, or do you fall down and stay there?

What does that mean?
I like this quote, as it is about the ‘never say die’ attitude. It means getting back up every time you get knocked down, fall down, or otherwise end up feeling down. Even if you start feeling like one of those inflatable punching bags the little kids use, you have to get back up.

This quote also infers that the only way you can lose is to not get back up. If you go down and stay there, that is the only path to a sure defeat. While you are still able to get back up, there is still hope, however slim it might seem.

And that’s what the quote is about, in my opinion. Getting back up, no matter what. Over and over and over again. Until you win. Until the other guy gets tired of swinging, or loses interest and wanders off. You just don’t stop until you have what you set out to achieve.

 

Why is getting back up and back into the fight important?
Note that the previous section isn’t saying to keep doing the exact same thing. You are unlikely to get a different result until you use a different method or approach. Adjust what you are doing based on the results you get, and you’re half way there.

The important part of getting back up is to get back into the fight. To me, it’s important to get back to doing what you have been doing, and to never stop. If you get up, but don’t get back to what you were doing, you’re not going to get all that much done, are you?

And if you aren’t going to get back into the fight, why bother to get back up? You can quit on your back much more easily, and more convincingly, from your back than from your feet. Yes, you’ll probably want to try a different way, so as not to end up back on the ground. But always be ready to get back up. Again.

 

Where can I apply this in my life?
You did all the time, when you were younger. You learned to talk, to walk, to eat, and do all the basics in this manner. You tried something and it didn’t work. You might have thrown a brief fit, but then you got back to it, and kept after it.

Eventually, you got the hang of it, and some time after that, you actually started to get good at it, right? I bet you can walk and even feed yourself without thinking about it, although doing both at the same time might take a little concentration, unless you do it all the time.

But at some point, we grew out of it. When was the last time you kept after something with the same determination the quote talks about? With the same determination of a very young child learning to crawl, walk, talk, or any of the other basic skills?

As adults, we have so many excuses. One is that we can’t do it. Well, obviously, or we would have done it, and not be discussing the excuses for the failure. The real point is that we don’t have the skill, the strength, the knowledge or the endurance to do it *now*.

As an example, I’m still struggling to start running. Cold weather has set in, and I’ve managed to irritate my big toe. Right now I have neither the strength nor the endurance to do a 5K. It would be a great excuse, but it isn’t a reason, right?

I’m going to keep at it, running during the day or indoors when possible, and take better care of my feet. Eventually, I will get there. I have another 4 weeks of the Couch to 5K program to go, and that will take at least 6 weeks, perhaps longer.

But I will finish. No matter how many setbacks, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many times I’m knocked down, I will get back up each time and get back at it. To me, that’s the whole point of life, and of this quote. Never say die, never give up, keep after it, until you get it.

Of course there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. There is such a thing as an obsession. When does healthy pursuit of a goal cross the line? That will depend wholly on you. Only you can make that determination. But be sure to consider the feedback you get from your friends.

On what have you given up? What projects, plans, skills, activities, or other things in your life have you allowed yourself to go down, and decided not to get back up? Some may be beyond your grasp, having been overcome by events (like my NFL career).

But there are probably a few things there which you might want to get back up and try again. What would you have to do to get from where you are now to where you want to be? What training, practice, or learning would help you get there? What are the other things which need to happen to get you back up on your feet and in the fight?

I never thought I would be a runner, but I am enjoying it more than I had ever imagined. Blogging is the same. What are you going to do? And how many times are you willing to get back up? Get started, take the first step, however small, and get it going!

Life will knock you down. You have to answer the question “Will you get back up?” Well, will you?

 

Text writen by KC King ( http://philosiblog.com)

 

Simple answer to that: I wll always , at least, try to get back up again! ALWAYS!

 

Note to self: People...life can knock me down...but I will stand up again sooner that they thought i would ...because I am not a quitter and you can bet that I will fight until I drop. It is just a matter of having some faith in the fact that as long as you are able to draw breath in the universe, you have a chance... Thanks God for giving me a new chance everyday!

working out

After a long time being so fucking depressed and complaining about every single thing I realized that it was time for me to move on alone and stand up for me. Personally, i don't like the "obligation"to go to the Gym...but I feel like that I need to improve myself in order to feel beautiful and with energy.

Before asking for people's love...I learned in a hard way that we should love ourselves first.

I do not have any reason to go back home earlier! I was trying to be closer to a person that never really appreciated my company....

today i heard that he "kind of like me". Today, it makes me laugh!

Everyday I am more and more aware of what i need and what i don't.


The experience at the gym yesterday was great that's all i  can say for now!

It feels great!

Note to self: I LOVE MYSELF and I am loving being single!

let's get the fun started my dear!

A date??

So I almost forgot to mention here that I got flowers yesterday at work :)

That makes me feel so special :) beautiful card and beautiful flowers !

And of course that I got a call for asking if the flowers were there and then he asked me to truly consider the idea of dating .

Now that I am single and after double checking that nothing will change ... I might consider it with my heart ... I might. Consider it .