It is time to let it go

It is oficial now. After a quick conversation with my ex, he gave me the whole idea of how he is feeling and that he stop trying to work things out because according to him nothing that he did seems to worked ( what is true).

It would never work if you make a mistake , apologies, and instead of working on yourself to be a better person and adopt a different bahavior for a future reference, you go and do exactly the same old conflictant thing. Tell me Lord, how would it work?

I am a bit sad for finally understand that i never meant much and that i was just a sex buddy for him. But Im happy because yesterday was the very first time that i realized that it's really over and that I am ready to fly higher.

Note to self

A stranger should be treated like a stranger. 

coming clean

Yesterday I had a conversation with my ex boyfriend and after listing some problems that happened in a short period of time to him, he finally understood the problems.

The main problem is if i don't start things or point things out....the conversation would never happen.

What happen now? nothing. what will change? nothing... the trully change is that one that come from yourself  after your mistakes.You realize it and change it. It's not because one person is pointing you a problem that you will commit to that and change. But honetsly, i don't think it will happen like that.

 

Last year i wish him the worse because he put me in so many not necessary pain...so many lies, so many pain...he made me feel like nothing. like shit and guess what? he still does but the impact that it cause to me is so minimal that i def could ignore it.But instead  of ignoring it, i still take some time for trying to warning him about his actions ( or lack of it) and the consequences. If he really undertand? who knows right? what i guess i still try to do is something like that: you lost me and for you i never meant anything. I was never told that i was the one for you ...and you made sure you could show me how shitty i was for you....i hope that you don't let the woman of your life( and im positive you will find her) goes away from you because "you're just like this"/ "you're so dramatic" .

 

I hope you can see your mistakes someday and correct it not for me of course ( because i am already out of your life but for yourself and your future).

Advise to self - Baggage claim - UK

1. I will not spend my time waiting around, whether it’s for their calls, or for them to show up after they’ve disappeared, waiting for them to come back, waiting for them to turn into The Man I Think He Could/Should Be, or waiting for them to decide if they want to be with me – I’m not putting my life on hold for anyone.
When a man is interested, you are in no doubt about their interest and they don’t run the risk of losing you.  You deserve better than someone’s half hearted interest and there is no excuse for any man keeping you waiting around. He snoozes, he loses. The sooner they experience this, the sooner they learn to treat the women they date with more respect.
This also means you will avoid being in barely there, ‘non-relationships’.
When someone’s interested in you and wants a relationship, you know you’re in that relationship and it’s not ambiguous or a secret.
And never, ever, ever, ever, ever, wait around for someone to decide whether they want a relationship with you. Don’t demean yourself!

2. I will not continue engaging in any relationship where either they or I don’t treat me with love, care, trust, and respect.
Start as you mean to go on. Even though love is not there from the outset, there is no excuse for someone not to treat you with care, trust, and respect. It’s called integrity and decency. By the same token, if loving them means you can’t love you, always choose you. Do not erode your self-esteem by disrespecting yourself in a relationship. If you don’t treat you decently, others won’t. This is a fundamental part of having boundaries. If you can’t date with self-esteem, don’t date until you can.

3. I will not continue dating someone who reveals themselves to be a Future Faker or a Future Avoider.
Whether they tell lies about the future to get what they want in the present or they just refuse to talk about the future, if you’re involved with Pinocchio or you’re with someone who can’t see their way to making plans with you, cut them off as soon as this becomes evident.
Don’t waste your life waiting for them to become the Person They Were In The Beginning.
If someone is reluctant to talk about the future, it’s because they don’t want to give you the impression that you’re in it or they don’t want to accidentally commit and give you the wrong idea.

4. I will not allow someone to use me for sex, devalue me sexually, or treat me in a less than manner.
It’s your prerogative to have casual sex but you should only be doing so if it’s what you actually want and are not building up feelings. You cannot work your way up from booty call to girlfriend. Likewise, if your relationship is all about the sex and you want more than this, opt out. Don’t let someone use you as a sexual plaything or degrade you – you must have limits.

5. I will drop guys who manage the bulk of the communication in our relationship by text, email, or instant messenger, like a hot potato.
There is no excuse for this lazy communication and it’s the hallmark of emotionally unavailable people who want to keep themselves distant. It’s not modern relationships and dating – it’s modern booty calls and half hearted interest. It says, I’m not interested enough to actually make a proper effort with you.

6. I will not allow lies to foster my interactions, whether it’s being in denial or listening to bullshit, being fed lies, or getting the truth distorted.
Feet in reality, shed the fur coat of denial and keep yourself on a Bullsh*t Diet. Don’t let anybody dripfeed you the truth, twist it around, or repeatedly lie to you and get caught out. If you accept it, they’ll think they have license to keep lying to you. People who have integrity and respect you don’t lie to you.

7. I will not date an assclown – someone who is unkind/cruel, lacking in empathy, and at best takes advantage and at worst, abuses me.
When someone treats you poorly, it’s not going to get better because you claim to love them but it will get worse if you stick around. Check out my post on red flags as well.

8. I will not make up excuses for other people’s behaviour or make exceptions to my boundaries. My boundaries are non-negotiable!
Do not treat your partners like children even if they act like it. Don’t make it up as you go along either and come up with your own reasons for why you think they behave as they do. That’s projection. Respect your own boundaries, so that either others do, or you recognise when they don’t. But do not make exceptions because you will keep lengthening your yardstick. This guideline also applies to when they ask you to make an exception to your normal rule of behaviour – someone who genuinely has your best interests at heart will not expect or demand that you do something outside of your normal behaviour.

Booty call...

By checking those signs....hmmm....i can recognize somethinh here.

A user has inconsistent contact. 

Everything else, whether it’s phone calls, text messages or even invitations to hang out will be sporadic at best. One week you’ll be all wrapped up in each other, and the next, there’s not even a Facebook message in sight. But just when the user starts to feel you slipping away, he or she will reach out again and try to get back in your good graces… or your pants.

A guy who is really into you will communicate regularly.

A guy who is in it to sex it, calls, texts, emails and pops-over only when he is feeling frisky and knows that you will indulge his desires. If the sight of your man's name on your caller ID surprises you, chances are, this is a sex only situation

He isn’t affectionate.

If he only touches during (or right before) sex, that’s a major problem. Non-sexual touching is vital to a healthy, long-term relationship.

You suspect he’s using you. Women have a sixth sense when it comes to love and relationships. The problem is, we often ignore it. We meet a guy, fall for him, and lose all sense of rationality. So pay attention to your instincts. If your gut tells you he might be using you for sex, he probably is.

 

He Never Goes Above and Beyond for You.

When you really like a woman you make things happen. If you want to get those last minute tickets, you pay a little extra. You’re trying to surprise her with a nice dinner, you call in a few favors. She really wants to see you, you get there by any means necessary. A woman that a man loves, he leave logic behind to an extent because he doesn’t want to disappoint her.

He Only Plays With You During His Convenience.

So this guy never really moves obligations around to make things happen between you two. He only cares to catch up with you when nothing else is entertaining his time. You’re not a priority to him and there’s a never a sense of urgency when it comes to the time that you all have together. You’re just simply a walking, talking pastime.

 

Discussing the Future with Him is Like Going in Circles

You talk about future plans and he starts groaning with disapproval of the mere topic. He tells you to “just enjoy the moment” or “go with the flow.” Please… men make plans for the people or things they want in their life, no matter how abstract or uncertain those plans may seem. If he doesn’t plan for you, than he probably doesn’t care about you and if he does care it’s not enough to sustain a relationship.

they aren’t there for you.

Ideally, a boyfriend or girlfriend is first and foremost a friend. Friends by their definition love you. They are there for .If someone is not there for you, then they do not love you. Even though it may be painful to acknowledge this and the temptation to make excuses for them may be strong, it really is as simple as that.

Interest

He doesn’t show any sincere interest in (let alone care about, or have any obvious concern,) concerning your thoughts, feelings, ideas, goals, desires or problems.

Interesting ...im just sharing it...

Disappointment is a stage of love nearly every serious intimate relationship—probably every one that lasts longer than overnight—has to struggle with. It may strike suddenly or build up slowly, but once the battling begins, it can assume tragic proportions for a couple trying to make a life together.

 

What's needed to transform disappointment in a relationship into something livable in the present and useful for the future is that kind of empathy in which two people's selves take a backseat to a shared sense of each other's suffering. It is impossible to be defensive and empathic at the same time.

Empathy helps turn anger into sorrow. When sorrow becomes mutual, it begins to erase the lines drawn in the sand. Only then does the possibility of apology and forgiveness become real. I consider this sequence—anger, sorrow, apology, forgiveness—one of the most important developmental passages in a relationship or in therapy with couples because it is a prerequisite for the restoration of innocence. That may sound strange, but what I mean is not the first innocence of childhood or infatuation but a kind of second innocence, innocence after experience, which is free from repetition and thus can treat a new moment as new. Repetition kills love.

 A flourishing intimacy is likely to demand an extraordinary amount of empathic and patient cultivation from both partners. Unfortunately, what we experience growing up in our families or viewing ads of gorgeous couples zooming off for ski vacations in their new BMWs does very little to teach us that creating a satisfying relationship is a difficult but worth while discipline. The first drafts of love are usually in need of considerable revision.

Romantic love is beautiful, but no matter how full the moon that first night, no matter how many willows are weeping and birds singing your song, you can't build years of relationship on that lovely, fragile foundation alone. Everything I've learned from my work with people disappointed in love points to this conclusion: A mature relationship doesn't begin until after disappointment if the person who got hurt and disappointed is able to see a big effort coming from their partner.

 

note to self : now its even more easy to see why i wanted so much that the oher person had some empathy....

Tell me who need this...

Yesterday , my mom had to go to see a doctor ... I was working , dad was working and so my sister .

I had a friend inside the house who instead of taking her to the doctor ... He was setting a website .... Nothing against that. It's alright. People are free to do what they want. But being in my house and not at least help her out is pretty ridiculous .

Not only that, my mom spent 24 hours working the night before and of course was hungry . Do you think that there was food for her to eat? Of course not. My friend was too busy. Too busy and thinking only about his own belly bottom.

It's funny because my mom prepar food for everybody ( it's not her obligation but she does) and not only that .... She washes everybody clothes ( including his clothes ).... 

Everything was easy to him: he had a "maid" and a "bitch" without spending one single coin. What else this sir needed ?

My " friend " said that he would come back to Brazil to work on our relationship ( which was put on a hold according to him and of course just broke because nobody deserve to be in a relationship with no communication, no love , no Respect , no empathy and with lack of common priorities ) and also for helping my mom ( should I mention here that didn't work at all neither ?)

Who need this kind of person ? A person with no words , no empathy, a person where his world just go around himself ?

A person who put money ahead people ?

Man, really!

Thanks thanks thanks for making my ideas on you so clear that everyday instead of being sad and depressed as I was before... I'm happy ! Happy to realize all this shit before being more envolved and with a kid in my arms.

Happy happy happy. Thanks God!

Note to self : there is no need to beg for love... No need to beg for empathy...no need to stick around any longer. I have my answers .

This small things as love, respect and empathy are part of our character ... Some has, others don't .

:)