Christmas time.

Sometimes we just need some trust.

When trust is gone can be really complicated but not irreversible .

When the other part tries hard to keep the true and honest... When they take other attitudes and actions in order to make things ok from that day ok.... This can be easily reversible ...

But if all that the other offers is lie and pain... When he keeps doing the same things and keep the same old people who once helped to get the problem even bigger just mean one thing : you mean nothing to him.

Christimas time ... Time to forgive ... Time to apologies ...

We can't forgive those who doesn't know why they should ask for forgiveness ...

This time once again... God showed me that it's fucking time to let it go.

Lesson learned 

Oh my!

I never thought that I would get this words today: 

" I would love it if you were to come to the US during your vacay, but thats not why I did it.  I would love it if me staying made you happy, but thats not why I did it.  I did it because I love you... and although there is definitely a part of me that wants to go home, I want you to know that I love you more."

Lonely

Today I understood a bit better my feelings linked to loneliness.

In fact this is linked to be surrounded by people who doesn't care about you ... Who doesn't listen to you.

Took me a long time to realize it but I finally did .

Listen

There is nothing more unattractive than a man who doesn't know what he wants ... Doesn't know what he does and , of course , doesn't have a clue about the consequences of his (lack of ) actions.

In general, I like people who knows what they want, fight for it and go deep in order to find their own answers and fix whatever has to be fixed.

It is always sad to end a relationship. But sometimes the other person doesn't give you any other choice.

I'm letting you go for good because you already let us go long long long time ago.

Once he asked me to " never press pause "... Sadly that's all he said ... He never gave me a reason for it . 

Now I'm pressing " stop" and honestly wishing you the best.

I am not looking for love ... But when it happen again , I hope it last... I hope it's true and genuine.

I'm really tired of all this plans who never come true... Tired of waiting and waiting until you see the whole demage that you caused.

Tired of crossing my fingers and hope that you choose me in the end.

Love is not like that.... Love Is the certain ... Not doubt.

I do believe in love and I feel sorry for those who can share it... Who can't show it... Who can't feel it and enjoy it 

Living and learning.

Fall out of love

To me everything was clear :D

But after reading this .... Hahahahaha

Just sharing it :

A bad foundation For a relationship and love to last, there has to be a very solid foundation for things to rest and grow upon. Maybe your relationship started off really shaky but you stayed together instead of taking time to fix things. Or maybe your relationship moved way too fast and important parts of building a relationship were missed. Relationships and love take time, effort, and energy. When a relationship has a bad foundation, eventually it will crumble

Lies and lack of trust Being betrayed is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. There is nothing worse than losing your trust in someone because they lied, cheated, or hid something important from you. Lies lead to lost trust and when trust isn’t there, love probably isn’t going to be there either. In some cases, the damage is done and is irreparable.

 

No communication You’ve heard it and read it before, but communication is vital if a relationship is going to last more than a few months. When the communication in a relationship is gone, it leaves a lot of room for conflict and untalked about emotions and problems. Instead, these issues build up, you two become more distant, and in the end one or both of you loses the emotions you once had for each other. Communication is a must for love to exist and to continue growing 

 

Being taken for granted You don’t know what you had until it’s gone. In some relationships, couples will take each other, and their relationship, for granted. Many people go into a relationship or even a marriage with the idea that love is unconditional and no matter what, their partner will be in love with them. However, when laziness sets in and respect starts to become a thing of the past, it’s easy for someone to fall out of love.

 

Lack of excitement In order to keep a relationship fresh, there has to be some excitement and fun in it. When a relationship becomes boring or even exhausting, it can definitely take an emotional toll on the people who are involved in it. It’s hard to continue to love someone when your relationship has become a monotonous routine. No relationship can stay in the honeymoon phase forever, but when the sparks are lost, emotions can be lost too

 

Secrets revealed In a relationship, it’s best to be the real you and not keep any secrets. However, a lot of people are known for telling white lies or lying their way out of things in order to keep something else hidden. Finding out that your partner is a closet drug user or discovering that your partner really isn’t who he/she acts or says to be can definitely take a toll on your emotions. It’s hard to love someone who isn’t the person you thought they were.

 

 

Lack of support When you’re in a relationship with someone, you expect them to support you in all ways possible. You want to know that your partner supports your career decisions, educational decisions, and even personal decisions. When you no longer support the person you’re with, emotional issues are bound to arise. Being in a relationship is all about being in your partner’s corner, always. When you’re no longer there, you begin to pull your emotions back.

 

 

 

 

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A informação contida nesta comunicação é destinada exclusivamente ao uso da pessoa ou entidade a quem se dirige e outros autorizados a recebê-la. Ela pode conter informação confidencial ou legalmente privilegiada. Se você não for o destinatário, fica desde já notificado que qualquer divulgação, cópia, distribuição ou qualquer ação tomada, em dependência com o conteúdo desta informação, é estritamente proibida e pode ser considerada ilegal. Se você recebeu esta mensagem por engano, por favor, avise-nos imediatamente respondendo a este e-mail e, em seguida, exclua-o do seu sistema. A EY não é responsável pela transmissão adequada e completa da informação contida nesta comunicação, nem por qualquer atraso na sua recepção. 

Georgetown email

So yesterday!

Some plans were just written on paper...

This is gone .

Little messages :)

I know you read my blog :)

And I like to know that I have somehow someone over there who thinks of me.

This little mesaages have been making my day lately .

Thank you.

More lies

Dang! When will this boy realize that I already know his plan?

People sometimes think we are too stupid! 

Check it out: some days ago I was really honest with Ian by saying that I didn't see any benifts from his relationship and even friendship ....and that by saying that I guess that the best was that he could move from my home.

He said " hopefully I can show you the benifts of my friendship "

Yesterday I noticed that he was checking " easy quarto "( a website that allows  you to rent a room) .... 

 

The reality is he can't afford with an apartment in rio ... So it's convenient to be in my apartment until he finds something.

It's not about working on something.... It's not about trying to make me see the benifts of this friendship.... It's just one little thing called " convenient"

Fool me fool me :D

Hahahahahhahahahahah

Lolo part 2

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lolo

I never mentioned here but I love this little girl!

This cute girl is my cousin : lolo :D

She is really smart and funny too ! I spent some time with her today as well and it was really interesting how my " maternal side" screamed at my soul when I was with her.

inside of me I feel ready , I feel like this is the little something that has been missing in my life.

I hope God bless me with a wonderful family :) with a handsome , honest and protective huby and a funny , smart and cute daughter !

Oh my God! I hope this little dream comes true :)

Love you lolo 

:)

Today I had the chance to know Bruno a bit better and it was pretty interesting.

I felt myself relaxed and appreciating his company . It feels right somehow .

I allowed myself to have fun and be happy again.

I recognize that I have been pretty needy so I guess the feeling of being " entertained " would happen pretty much with anyone else.

For now , I'm enjoying ;)

It's 2:16 and I can't sleep ! And for the first time in a long time : I'm not loosing my sleep because I'm sad... Mad... Frustrated or whatever else negative feelings I used to hold .... I can't sleep because I realized that I'm ready really ready to fly away and feel loved and share love !

Excited ! 

Fall seven times, stand up eight!

 

Do you get back up and shake it off, or do you fall down and stay there?

What does that mean?
I like this quote, as it is about the ‘never say die’ attitude. It means getting back up every time you get knocked down, fall down, or otherwise end up feeling down. Even if you start feeling like one of those inflatable punching bags the little kids use, you have to get back up.

This quote also infers that the only way you can lose is to not get back up. If you go down and stay there, that is the only path to a sure defeat. While you are still able to get back up, there is still hope, however slim it might seem.

And that’s what the quote is about, in my opinion. Getting back up, no matter what. Over and over and over again. Until you win. Until the other guy gets tired of swinging, or loses interest and wanders off. You just don’t stop until you have what you set out to achieve.

 

Why is getting back up and back into the fight important?
Note that the previous section isn’t saying to keep doing the exact same thing. You are unlikely to get a different result until you use a different method or approach. Adjust what you are doing based on the results you get, and you’re half way there.

The important part of getting back up is to get back into the fight. To me, it’s important to get back to doing what you have been doing, and to never stop. If you get up, but don’t get back to what you were doing, you’re not going to get all that much done, are you?

And if you aren’t going to get back into the fight, why bother to get back up? You can quit on your back much more easily, and more convincingly, from your back than from your feet. Yes, you’ll probably want to try a different way, so as not to end up back on the ground. But always be ready to get back up. Again.

 

Where can I apply this in my life?
You did all the time, when you were younger. You learned to talk, to walk, to eat, and do all the basics in this manner. You tried something and it didn’t work. You might have thrown a brief fit, but then you got back to it, and kept after it.

Eventually, you got the hang of it, and some time after that, you actually started to get good at it, right? I bet you can walk and even feed yourself without thinking about it, although doing both at the same time might take a little concentration, unless you do it all the time.

But at some point, we grew out of it. When was the last time you kept after something with the same determination the quote talks about? With the same determination of a very young child learning to crawl, walk, talk, or any of the other basic skills?

As adults, we have so many excuses. One is that we can’t do it. Well, obviously, or we would have done it, and not be discussing the excuses for the failure. The real point is that we don’t have the skill, the strength, the knowledge or the endurance to do it *now*.

As an example, I’m still struggling to start running. Cold weather has set in, and I’ve managed to irritate my big toe. Right now I have neither the strength nor the endurance to do a 5K. It would be a great excuse, but it isn’t a reason, right?

I’m going to keep at it, running during the day or indoors when possible, and take better care of my feet. Eventually, I will get there. I have another 4 weeks of the Couch to 5K program to go, and that will take at least 6 weeks, perhaps longer.

But I will finish. No matter how many setbacks, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many times I’m knocked down, I will get back up each time and get back at it. To me, that’s the whole point of life, and of this quote. Never say die, never give up, keep after it, until you get it.

Of course there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. There is such a thing as an obsession. When does healthy pursuit of a goal cross the line? That will depend wholly on you. Only you can make that determination. But be sure to consider the feedback you get from your friends.

On what have you given up? What projects, plans, skills, activities, or other things in your life have you allowed yourself to go down, and decided not to get back up? Some may be beyond your grasp, having been overcome by events (like my NFL career).

But there are probably a few things there which you might want to get back up and try again. What would you have to do to get from where you are now to where you want to be? What training, practice, or learning would help you get there? What are the other things which need to happen to get you back up on your feet and in the fight?

I never thought I would be a runner, but I am enjoying it more than I had ever imagined. Blogging is the same. What are you going to do? And how many times are you willing to get back up? Get started, take the first step, however small, and get it going!

Life will knock you down. You have to answer the question “Will you get back up?” Well, will you?

 

Text writen by KC King ( http://philosiblog.com)

 

Simple answer to that: I wll always , at least, try to get back up again! ALWAYS!

 

Note to self: People...life can knock me down...but I will stand up again sooner that they thought i would ...because I am not a quitter and you can bet that I will fight until I drop. It is just a matter of having some faith in the fact that as long as you are able to draw breath in the universe, you have a chance... Thanks God for giving me a new chance everyday!

working out

After a long time being so fucking depressed and complaining about every single thing I realized that it was time for me to move on alone and stand up for me. Personally, i don't like the "obligation"to go to the Gym...but I feel like that I need to improve myself in order to feel beautiful and with energy.

Before asking for people's love...I learned in a hard way that we should love ourselves first.

I do not have any reason to go back home earlier! I was trying to be closer to a person that never really appreciated my company....

today i heard that he "kind of like me". Today, it makes me laugh!

Everyday I am more and more aware of what i need and what i don't.


The experience at the gym yesterday was great that's all i  can say for now!

It feels great!

Note to self: I LOVE MYSELF and I am loving being single!

let's get the fun started my dear!

A date??

So I almost forgot to mention here that I got flowers yesterday at work :)

That makes me feel so special :) beautiful card and beautiful flowers !

And of course that I got a call for asking if the flowers were there and then he asked me to truly consider the idea of dating .

Now that I am single and after double checking that nothing will change ... I might consider it with my heart ... I might. Consider it .

Little messages part 2

While some people just treat you like shit others....

I can't deny that it made me smile 

Goodbye Georgetown

I had to take a hard step yesterday. I decided that I would not go to Georgetown University.
I took some time to analyse if I should go or not...
After talking with Ian last weekend I realized something ...he pretty much said that i should do things for myself and not for "us". Once again, another slap in my face. Thank you.

After this, I took some time to answer Georgetown admission and I said that i was really happy to be selected but my plans changed.

Sometimes i think about all the thingss that i was willing to do to help or save some part of "us". But then i force myself to remember that there is no "us".

Yesterday, anyway, it was another day that we spend a day pretty much without talking...with no messages. I know he communicates with other friends just like i do. So once again i asked myself : why should I keep him around when obviously he is not around?

I will ask him today again if he can leave my place. I thought about doing it through email but as He ignored my last email....i will see how its going to be.

Note to self : me first, me second, me third, me me me me me me me, my dreams and me again - priority list

again and again and again

I got a bit surprise last friday when I asked Ian if he was ok regarding my relationship with his mom.

His answer was : for now...yes. I do have to say that this pissed me off.

First because he said tha the would be ok if me and his mom keep our friendship...and of course he is changing his mind... second because on sunday , i brought this subject back and he said "no, its ok...its fine. I even like your relationship with my mom...but i said "for now"because i was frustrated that she was supporting you and not me....."

 

how would she be supporting him if he never asked for her help???

 

ah....and of course i didnt hear anything like "i am sorry to be frustrated and put all my frustration towards you by saying "for now, im ok with it".

 

something is funny : when people treats you like shit ...in the begining you freak out....you get really hurt....and whatever else....but now i do not allow this things to impact my life anymore.

 

I really lost everything....my dignity, my dreams...my love...my will...everything. Loosing my "madrecita"would hurt me a lot. But if is that what he wants, then be it.

 

Note to self: Letting go....little by little... i am already noticing that my backpack is much lighter.

keep doing it.

It is time to let it go

It is oficial now. After a quick conversation with my ex, he gave me the whole idea of how he is feeling and that he stop trying to work things out because according to him nothing that he did seems to worked ( what is true).

It would never work if you make a mistake , apologies, and instead of working on yourself to be a better person and adopt a different bahavior for a future reference, you go and do exactly the same old conflictant thing. Tell me Lord, how would it work?

I am a bit sad for finally understand that i never meant much and that i was just a sex buddy for him. But Im happy because yesterday was the very first time that i realized that it's really over and that I am ready to fly higher.

Note to self

A stranger should be treated like a stranger. 

coming clean

Yesterday I had a conversation with my ex boyfriend and after listing some problems that happened in a short period of time to him, he finally understood the problems.

The main problem is if i don't start things or point things out....the conversation would never happen.

What happen now? nothing. what will change? nothing... the trully change is that one that come from yourself  after your mistakes.You realize it and change it. It's not because one person is pointing you a problem that you will commit to that and change. But honetsly, i don't think it will happen like that.

 

Last year i wish him the worse because he put me in so many not necessary pain...so many lies, so many pain...he made me feel like nothing. like shit and guess what? he still does but the impact that it cause to me is so minimal that i def could ignore it.But instead  of ignoring it, i still take some time for trying to warning him about his actions ( or lack of it) and the consequences. If he really undertand? who knows right? what i guess i still try to do is something like that: you lost me and for you i never meant anything. I was never told that i was the one for you ...and you made sure you could show me how shitty i was for you....i hope that you don't let the woman of your life( and im positive you will find her) goes away from you because "you're just like this"/ "you're so dramatic" .

 

I hope you can see your mistakes someday and correct it not for me of course ( because i am already out of your life but for yourself and your future).

Advise to self - Baggage claim - UK

1. I will not spend my time waiting around, whether it’s for their calls, or for them to show up after they’ve disappeared, waiting for them to come back, waiting for them to turn into The Man I Think He Could/Should Be, or waiting for them to decide if they want to be with me – I’m not putting my life on hold for anyone.
When a man is interested, you are in no doubt about their interest and they don’t run the risk of losing you.  You deserve better than someone’s half hearted interest and there is no excuse for any man keeping you waiting around. He snoozes, he loses. The sooner they experience this, the sooner they learn to treat the women they date with more respect.
This also means you will avoid being in barely there, ‘non-relationships’.
When someone’s interested in you and wants a relationship, you know you’re in that relationship and it’s not ambiguous or a secret.
And never, ever, ever, ever, ever, wait around for someone to decide whether they want a relationship with you. Don’t demean yourself!

2. I will not continue engaging in any relationship where either they or I don’t treat me with love, care, trust, and respect.
Start as you mean to go on. Even though love is not there from the outset, there is no excuse for someone not to treat you with care, trust, and respect. It’s called integrity and decency. By the same token, if loving them means you can’t love you, always choose you. Do not erode your self-esteem by disrespecting yourself in a relationship. If you don’t treat you decently, others won’t. This is a fundamental part of having boundaries. If you can’t date with self-esteem, don’t date until you can.

3. I will not continue dating someone who reveals themselves to be a Future Faker or a Future Avoider.
Whether they tell lies about the future to get what they want in the present or they just refuse to talk about the future, if you’re involved with Pinocchio or you’re with someone who can’t see their way to making plans with you, cut them off as soon as this becomes evident.
Don’t waste your life waiting for them to become the Person They Were In The Beginning.
If someone is reluctant to talk about the future, it’s because they don’t want to give you the impression that you’re in it or they don’t want to accidentally commit and give you the wrong idea.

4. I will not allow someone to use me for sex, devalue me sexually, or treat me in a less than manner.
It’s your prerogative to have casual sex but you should only be doing so if it’s what you actually want and are not building up feelings. You cannot work your way up from booty call to girlfriend. Likewise, if your relationship is all about the sex and you want more than this, opt out. Don’t let someone use you as a sexual plaything or degrade you – you must have limits.

5. I will drop guys who manage the bulk of the communication in our relationship by text, email, or instant messenger, like a hot potato.
There is no excuse for this lazy communication and it’s the hallmark of emotionally unavailable people who want to keep themselves distant. It’s not modern relationships and dating – it’s modern booty calls and half hearted interest. It says, I’m not interested enough to actually make a proper effort with you.

6. I will not allow lies to foster my interactions, whether it’s being in denial or listening to bullshit, being fed lies, or getting the truth distorted.
Feet in reality, shed the fur coat of denial and keep yourself on a Bullsh*t Diet. Don’t let anybody dripfeed you the truth, twist it around, or repeatedly lie to you and get caught out. If you accept it, they’ll think they have license to keep lying to you. People who have integrity and respect you don’t lie to you.

7. I will not date an assclown – someone who is unkind/cruel, lacking in empathy, and at best takes advantage and at worst, abuses me.
When someone treats you poorly, it’s not going to get better because you claim to love them but it will get worse if you stick around. Check out my post on red flags as well.

8. I will not make up excuses for other people’s behaviour or make exceptions to my boundaries. My boundaries are non-negotiable!
Do not treat your partners like children even if they act like it. Don’t make it up as you go along either and come up with your own reasons for why you think they behave as they do. That’s projection. Respect your own boundaries, so that either others do, or you recognise when they don’t. But do not make exceptions because you will keep lengthening your yardstick. This guideline also applies to when they ask you to make an exception to your normal rule of behaviour – someone who genuinely has your best interests at heart will not expect or demand that you do something outside of your normal behaviour.

Booty call...

By checking those signs....hmmm....i can recognize somethinh here.

A user has inconsistent contact. 

Everything else, whether it’s phone calls, text messages or even invitations to hang out will be sporadic at best. One week you’ll be all wrapped up in each other, and the next, there’s not even a Facebook message in sight. But just when the user starts to feel you slipping away, he or she will reach out again and try to get back in your good graces… or your pants.

A guy who is really into you will communicate regularly.

A guy who is in it to sex it, calls, texts, emails and pops-over only when he is feeling frisky and knows that you will indulge his desires. If the sight of your man's name on your caller ID surprises you, chances are, this is a sex only situation

He isn’t affectionate.

If he only touches during (or right before) sex, that’s a major problem. Non-sexual touching is vital to a healthy, long-term relationship.

You suspect he’s using you. Women have a sixth sense when it comes to love and relationships. The problem is, we often ignore it. We meet a guy, fall for him, and lose all sense of rationality. So pay attention to your instincts. If your gut tells you he might be using you for sex, he probably is.

 

He Never Goes Above and Beyond for You.

When you really like a woman you make things happen. If you want to get those last minute tickets, you pay a little extra. You’re trying to surprise her with a nice dinner, you call in a few favors. She really wants to see you, you get there by any means necessary. A woman that a man loves, he leave logic behind to an extent because he doesn’t want to disappoint her.

He Only Plays With You During His Convenience.

So this guy never really moves obligations around to make things happen between you two. He only cares to catch up with you when nothing else is entertaining his time. You’re not a priority to him and there’s a never a sense of urgency when it comes to the time that you all have together. You’re just simply a walking, talking pastime.

 

Discussing the Future with Him is Like Going in Circles

You talk about future plans and he starts groaning with disapproval of the mere topic. He tells you to “just enjoy the moment” or “go with the flow.” Please… men make plans for the people or things they want in their life, no matter how abstract or uncertain those plans may seem. If he doesn’t plan for you, than he probably doesn’t care about you and if he does care it’s not enough to sustain a relationship.

they aren’t there for you.

Ideally, a boyfriend or girlfriend is first and foremost a friend. Friends by their definition love you. They are there for .If someone is not there for you, then they do not love you. Even though it may be painful to acknowledge this and the temptation to make excuses for them may be strong, it really is as simple as that.

Interest

He doesn’t show any sincere interest in (let alone care about, or have any obvious concern,) concerning your thoughts, feelings, ideas, goals, desires or problems.

Interesting ...im just sharing it...

Disappointment is a stage of love nearly every serious intimate relationship—probably every one that lasts longer than overnight—has to struggle with. It may strike suddenly or build up slowly, but once the battling begins, it can assume tragic proportions for a couple trying to make a life together.

 

What's needed to transform disappointment in a relationship into something livable in the present and useful for the future is that kind of empathy in which two people's selves take a backseat to a shared sense of each other's suffering. It is impossible to be defensive and empathic at the same time.

Empathy helps turn anger into sorrow. When sorrow becomes mutual, it begins to erase the lines drawn in the sand. Only then does the possibility of apology and forgiveness become real. I consider this sequence—anger, sorrow, apology, forgiveness—one of the most important developmental passages in a relationship or in therapy with couples because it is a prerequisite for the restoration of innocence. That may sound strange, but what I mean is not the first innocence of childhood or infatuation but a kind of second innocence, innocence after experience, which is free from repetition and thus can treat a new moment as new. Repetition kills love.

 A flourishing intimacy is likely to demand an extraordinary amount of empathic and patient cultivation from both partners. Unfortunately, what we experience growing up in our families or viewing ads of gorgeous couples zooming off for ski vacations in their new BMWs does very little to teach us that creating a satisfying relationship is a difficult but worth while discipline. The first drafts of love are usually in need of considerable revision.

Romantic love is beautiful, but no matter how full the moon that first night, no matter how many willows are weeping and birds singing your song, you can't build years of relationship on that lovely, fragile foundation alone. Everything I've learned from my work with people disappointed in love points to this conclusion: A mature relationship doesn't begin until after disappointment if the person who got hurt and disappointed is able to see a big effort coming from their partner.

 

note to self : now its even more easy to see why i wanted so much that the oher person had some empathy....

Tell me who need this...

Yesterday , my mom had to go to see a doctor ... I was working , dad was working and so my sister .

I had a friend inside the house who instead of taking her to the doctor ... He was setting a website .... Nothing against that. It's alright. People are free to do what they want. But being in my house and not at least help her out is pretty ridiculous .

Not only that, my mom spent 24 hours working the night before and of course was hungry . Do you think that there was food for her to eat? Of course not. My friend was too busy. Too busy and thinking only about his own belly bottom.

It's funny because my mom prepar food for everybody ( it's not her obligation but she does) and not only that .... She washes everybody clothes ( including his clothes ).... 

Everything was easy to him: he had a "maid" and a "bitch" without spending one single coin. What else this sir needed ?

My " friend " said that he would come back to Brazil to work on our relationship ( which was put on a hold according to him and of course just broke because nobody deserve to be in a relationship with no communication, no love , no Respect , no empathy and with lack of common priorities ) and also for helping my mom ( should I mention here that didn't work at all neither ?)

Who need this kind of person ? A person with no words , no empathy, a person where his world just go around himself ?

A person who put money ahead people ?

Man, really!

Thanks thanks thanks for making my ideas on you so clear that everyday instead of being sad and depressed as I was before... I'm happy ! Happy to realize all this shit before being more envolved and with a kid in my arms.

Happy happy happy. Thanks God!

Note to self : there is no need to beg for love... No need to beg for empathy...no need to stick around any longer. I have my answers .

This small things as love, respect and empathy are part of our character ... Some has, others don't .

:)

Little Messages

Some years ago, maybe because I always  had some little sweet messages , I never realized how important and cute those little messages were.

In the last 3 years, I never heard that I'm the one, I never heard what i really meant into that person 's life. 

In the last 3 months , I stop hearing " I love you" or " I miss you "... Or " I'm thinking of you "

Surpisily , I got one cute message from someone that made me smile yesterday ....

I am really glad to know that someone was thinking about me :)

You have the side of me that you choose to

It's that simple.

Some people think I'm a kind , nice , fun and friendly person... Others think I'm mean , not interesting and low energy ...

Everyday I realize more and more that people around me have what the conquered from me.

Yesterday I did something pretty interesting : I was at the gym with a friend who completely ignore my presence over there. What I did ? When i finished my workout i just left . Yup, that's it. Life is really simple .And isn't it true ???

People who just talk " I wanna do some activities together with you" or whatever else and when they have the chance to prove their own word and they miss it ... Doesn't deserve my attention or concern.

Note to self : if people are sweet I'll give them the sweetest side of me . If they are friendly , I'll be really friendly ... But if they treat me like a stranger ... That's what they will have from me .... Cold shoulder.

Decision made ;)

Interesting...

He won’t let me go” I have heard this so many times from women who come to me for advice. In the midst of battling the reasons whether they should stay in their relationship or if it is time to walk away, they find comfort in believing that the man must love them because he refuses to bow out peacefully. Granted there are many situations that the man is truly in love with the woman, but do not always be fooled.

A lot of times what is really happening is that you’re just too damn convenient. You are too beneficial to this man for him to dare let you walk away. We all see women everyday who basically are the mothers to the men they are with. They do it all and sexual benefits are included. They take care of everything and allow the man to get away with way too much. He can cheat on her and disrespect her. He can break her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet because he insists that he wants to be with you when you’re ready to leave you actually start to buy into the “he won’t let me go, so he must love me” perception. If he really loved you he would not do half the things I just listed. He would not wait until you’re ready to leave to finally step up his game (he will step it up long enough to reel you back in but then it is back to the same old negative behavior). If he actually loved you then his heart would weigh heavy on him when he knowingly and continuously brings you stress, unhappiness, and hurt. A man who loves his woman cannot continuously watch his woman in pain and be OK with it. Some situations are not this extreme but the principle remains the same. He keeps you around and fights for you because you’re his meal ticket. So why would he let that go.

Love has nothing to do with it and a woman needs to be honest with herself. She should not continue to feed herself a lie due to her fear of a failed relationship and being alone. At the end of the day, I nor does anyone else have all the facts to your situation. So our opinions are somewhat limited. As a woman you have to trust your intuition more because rarely does a woman not know the answer deep inside. For those that are spiritual I do know somebody that does have all the facts and that’s GOD. So when you’re in a situation where you really don’t know where you stand with your partner then lean on GOD’s guidance. Because believe me, that man can and will say whatever is necessary to keep his benefits going but GOD will only tell you to do what is beneficial for YOU. Don’t keep telling yourself and others that “he won’t let me go”, because the real issue to consider is why do you continue to allow him to stay.

Missing my friend "Marrom"

Yesterday i was checking some old things posted on ORKUT ( an old version of orkut) and it brings to my  mind some hiden thoughts, feelings and memories.
It has been 6 years since he has been away from us. I just feel like saying some small things in here :

1. I wish I had paid more attention to our conversation after the marilyn manson 's concert and not be so focused in how far away we were from home and how late it was.

2. I wish I had sticked with you longer during reveillon - 2007/2008...I wish i had screamed your name when i last saw you standing at the mall and waiting for your bus back home ( you said "you look like an old person! enjoy life! let's start the year in a right way!...and we did...the  bad part was that you would only have 15 days after that night with us)

3. I wish I had asked you more about your (lack of) religion to try to understand better why you never believed in anything.

4. I wish I could see you as a professor ( as you had just graduated at that time).Honestly, I think you would be a great one.

5. I wish I had told you how great you were to me. How great you were to everybody who surrounded you.



I do do do do do do do miss you.

Note to self: Let people know about my feelings towards them and keep in mind that life is too short.

Mi american madrecita!

I had a really interesting weekend. Saturday i was invited to have a dinner with a friend who prepared great dishes ( OH MY GOD! )! I was able to feel alive again and finally useful! I hepled him out with some small things and I heard  nice things back about it :) yay

 

While i was doing that, my ex boyfriend was drinking with a friend ....and got home around 1:10 in the morning  drunk and smelling drinks and smoke ( so attractive ...) and just as usual, communication about what happened that night or even "im sorry but im drunk "...never happened...

we are living with my parents still ( this will change...i got a great advice....)...i thought this act a disrespectful one....and what i had to hear from my dad because of this sh*t was like a slap on my face and a "wake up"scream...FEELS HORRIBLE at that time he was talkin but now feels great....feels freedom. one of the best sentence that i ever heard from my dad lately was :                   

 

"don't be into a relationship where you are obviously not important to the other....where your feelings are shut down. Don't let anyone put you down, because if you look around you will see people who really care about and who really loves you. Look beyond your family and friends.You will find someone who fits. Because love is not forced....it just happen...you've been forcing and trying to hard on this relationship and look what you've got ....you cant put an elephant inside a small glass manuela....I know you're sad, i can see it. And i don't wanna put you down but i also don't wanna lie to you neither...think about it" - Dad's words.

 

But the most interesting thing was a conversation that i had with mi madrecita...it is kind of interesting when you ex's " mom " just tell you that  he is not the right for you...that you deserve better than that.That i will be miserable if i stick with this broken relationship ... If she said it so, who am i to say "are you sure?"

 

See her crying ( we used skype) broke my heart... broke my heart completly. I guess we shared the same pain at that moment. The pain of letting things go...the pain of knowing how much it once meant to you...the pain of the reality.

 

I got sad and stronger at the same time. sad because i won't be part of her beautiful family that i really love so much....but i got stronger because i had a view from someone who really knows my ex.

 

I am stronger to keep going on without him in my life.  Everyday i am more sure that i did the right thing and i am also sure of what i don't want in my relationship.

 

I learned a lot in this last relationship...i hope the next one be a happy and lasting one...surrounded by romatism and respect. I am ready , after an year, to share my love ( and i have tons of it ) and more than ready to feel loved again :)

 

My heart is healing because i am allowing this to happen

 

Note to self: Enjoy every moment  of my new style of life.I changed so much!  I am much stronger than before...ready for new life! new love! new me! It's  much  better to be singe than to be in a fake relationship.

and then what?

What left after the breakup?

This could be a hard question for many people...for me is pretty simple. What left  after the break up? nothing but memories.

I always thought that could be hard to keep a friendship or whatever else after you decide to breakup. and it is. First because some of the party involved still migh love the "other significant one" what means that someone can get hurt in the "friendship zone", second because the "friendship"can be pretty messy and end up as a " casual sex mate" which can also bring pain to someone at some point..., and third you might realize that the best thing that you did for yourself was to be completly out of the other person's life.

I already went through some of the reasons listed above....nowadays, im stuck at the third one.

I gave someone else a chance to be privileged with my nice friendship after i decided to breakup and he decided to put the relationship on hold .For me ,  "Putting a relationship on a hold" , in my head means :they're not quite willing or ready to let go completely, and not willing to hold on completely... BTW , this is something that I have to mention in here : I can not understand why a grown man could think that by putting the relationship on hold would improve and help a relationship ,which the main problem( besides trust...) was the lack of feelings that the relationship came first in the "order of priorities" list. Oh well...

Well, let's go back to the subject in here...as I was saying ...I identify myself , at this moment, with the third reason and I am pretty aware of why I identify myself with that one more . It is easy to understand why a "friendship" doesn't really exist  when there is no communication ; when you mention something that bothers you and the person couldn't care less ; when you said which kind of support you need and then  you see this person doing everything else but supporting you...when you see that even in the "friendship zone"you're still not a priority... when you wanted to hear a compliment for preparing a nice cake .......oh oh oh wait.....isn't those one of the reasons why we brokeup???  pff......well...the lis t is big but i don't feel like going deeper in that...

What changed during the switch "Couple - friends" process? in fact nothing changed at all. Just the certain that sometimes keep a friendship with an ex can be pretty exhausted ...and sometimes instead of making you regret of your choice....just make you even more sure about it.

Note to self: get away from people who doesn't know what they want...or who is not brave enouh to say what they really want in your face...and please manuela please ...no more chance to friendship who doesn't really exist.

If we don't have a relationship, a friendship....what does we have? what remains besides memories?

...nothing, my dear....NOTHING. :)

...and it's always hard to say goodbye.

It is not the first time that this happen and I am quite aware it won't be the last. Having a part of your heart broken in a such slow process is 10000000 times worse than when someone decide to break your heart with such great determination that your first reaction is like "wtf!"but sooner than you can imagine...you will be fine and appreciating that everything happened exactly because there was a big reason for it.

The worse part about the slow "breakup process"is that you become someone that you are not. For instance, i became cold and indiferent. For me it was really easy to see why I became who I am now.
I was in a relationship where there was no love, no respect, no empathy, no passion, no interaction, no fire, no desire, no dreams, no hope, no interest ...no communication. Yes, that's right...no communication. I had some bad relationships before but  none of those took my dreams away....took my confidence and dignity away.

I never had much in life but this breakup took everything I had. How many times I saw myself really happy about a "future"with my unknown husband and my adorable kids. I don't see it anymore. I hate the idea of wedding at this moment and i hate even more the idea of having kids. It seems like marriage now is a completly fake game...where someone is looking only  for benifits og having this kind of  contract ( Love?? what is that about? this def can wait....what?? did i say wait? pffff... ). Why should we get married ? specially when your "special one"treats you like garbage, doesnt have plans with you of course, doesn't make you and even himself - as a couple- as priorities in life, cheat on you so many times that you even lost the will to fight for it...and as the final stabbed ....after you giving this person a chance for an year , instead of you checking a person fight for conquer you back, fight for having everything that once he really had....you see a person even more cold that makes sure everyday that he never regreted about anything....giving evidence of it everyday by doing everything like it was before..

I used to complain a lot in order to see if he could see what was going on.It never happened. Today, I silence myself in order to have some peace of mind.What I was thinking? i don't know.
A person who look at you but don't see you cry...who put everybody else first...who doesn't realize what he has done...who has broken promises...who was never there for me....and when he is "here"....instead of correcting things...just keep playing the same old rules of "ignoring the problem because tomorrow is a new day"...a person who always justify his mistakes ....justify his lack of believe in monogamy and marriage on his preview experience ( his own and his family experience), a guy who thinks that tomorrow will be different by doing exactly the same from yesterday... a guy who breaks promises...with no words...no love ...yeah...What i was thinking...

This is a long post ...and im writing it for myself...im writing in order to try to keep a note to myself and nobody else....and here is the sume of it : Manuela , some people believe holding on and hanging there are signs of great strenght.However , there are times when it takes much more strenght to know when to let go and when do it....I am pressing pause to a person that once asked me not to...but sadly he only asked me not to but never gave me real reasons for it.

It's good to be back in here.