No contact

It has been 14 days since I completely cut my ex off. How do I feel about it? I feel like I did the right thing. I'm feeling lighter and relaxed.

I thought about his offer ( a friendship one) and it never made too much sense.

How can I be friend with someone who hurt me so bad ( even on his last night in rio)...a guy who offered me lies , lack of empathy and lack of love? A guy who always put strangers first?

A guy who whenever the problems comes ... Runs to another lady ... And instead of fighting with me to make all this problems fade... He choose to believe that he did his best... That he tried hard... And whatever else...

Being away from him and after creating all

This distance made me realize even more that I was right . That I can't handle with such a douchebag.

He can believe in whatever he wants to.But the consequences of our actions shows the reality....

I got deeply hurt so I choose to hold tight to my dignity and self respect.

In the end of the day it was not that hard at all...(AT ALL)

We miss good things.... We miss when love warm your heart,  true plans... Laugh... Warm hugs ... Hot kisses...

We miss honest... We miss a real friend... I can't miss any of this when the subject is my last ex...he gave me nothing just pain , headache and stress.should anyone in this world miss this kind of stuff? Well... I certainly don't.

I don't have any intention to get back in contact with him. My condition was : do you wanna talk to me ? So remove all those things and people that hurt me somehow while we were In a relationship or when we were trying to save something.

He never understood that for being friends we needed it... We needed to come clean and erase whatever hurt us... 

The only thing I got from him was an email asking how I was doing and he stalking me at LinkedIn ( oh my! Hahahha)

So I guess it's pretty obvious that I won't contact you...

Ah... He asked me how I was doing....the answer is : I have never been so great.

I thought I would die when you left my home ... What I had no idea was how I would start living again from the moment you left my life.

Thanks for asking....

The one who tried harder

Tudo que vai... Volta?

Não. Acho a vida interessantíssima ...

Algumas pessoas chegam ...e saem da sua vida de uma forma que nem vc entende... Talvez por não fazer a menor diferença ...

Já outras ... Chegam de uma forma que não tem como vc não notar... Chega de uma maneira avassaladora ... E tbm se vão... Mas fica aquele vazio... Um buraco que ngm sabe explicar...

Enfim... Nunca pensei que fosse falar isso mas ... Bem-vindo ao meu mundo ... Novamente.  

Does everything that once faded away , come back out of nowhere ? 

Nah! I really think that life is one of the most interesting things ever...

Some people come and leave your life in a way that you can't even understand ... But you just don't miss them and after sometime you feel relief ( when I feel like that it's when I'm sure I did the right thing). Although I have been feeling like this in this last 10 days ... I have to mention that others just come , rock your whole world and conceptions ... Then they gotta go ( for whatever reason )... Then you feel their absence ... You miss them... You miss the way you used to be with them... You miss the smiles and funny moments ... You miss the creative... The lack of shame when the subject is " show love"... You miss their love... Their friendship and the way they treated you.

Someone once told me that what matter is not the breakup itself ... It's not the reasons that leaded you to break up with someone ... But how things goes after that...

Did you fight for the love of your life or did you shut down and kept moving on?

Did you put all efforts to make sure that the other knows what you really want? Did you Show not only with workds but also with actions to the other part how special they are to you and how much you would be willing to do whatever it takes to keep them in your life ? 

Did you give up quickly ? Did you quit?

I did... But he never gave up... And this is what makes me feel so loved .

I needed to experience an horrible relationship in order to appreciate all this little things that I had once ... A paper shaped as a heart with my name on it in clued in his t-shirt in the middle of downtown ( rio); all the hours that he spent awake just for making sure he would be able to wish me a goodnight and catch up with me about my day...

The grape night ... The funny nights in Brazil and Germany ...

The way this guy made me feel so beautiful and desirable .... How down he got when we had the pregnancy result ( which was negative )...

How he was so sure about how great parents we would have been ( and now i see that even with all our differences ...we would be a loving and caring parents together .

... All the people that he choose to remove from his life in order to make sure our relationship was safe and sound...how I felt butterflies every day, every night... I felt like I was a teenager ... And no, I didn't feel ashame about it.

It always impressed me how sure he was about things that he wanted... About people that were worthy to fight for and those who was not worthy at all.

I dunno what future holds ... But I'm glad we met ...and I'm glad to feel ready for meeting you again pretty soon.

Life has a funny funny way of helping you out... Helping you out...

Closing time

I believe in love .

Even after all the disillusionment , after all the pain, the loneliness ,the heartbreak... Even after experiencing the disregard ... Yes, I believe in love.

I believe it because I felt love. I felt it deep inside of me. I felt it in many kisses shared, laughing, in many days when all I wanted was to hear some compliments , when I wanted that the other part could remember a date for celebrating our union ...

When I fight for him even when he didn't care for anything. I loved when I showed patience among all his impatience ...I felt love when I was truly willing to warm his cold heart.

I felt love when I expected him to feel the same.

I got hurt in the process .

What that means ? It might means that it's time to Let the one that I loved so bad... Go away .

It's time for me to be with myself again, find myself again and love again.

I didn't quit of loving . I just quit fighting for a person who after all this years can't show love.

Maybe love was never there. I might have loved for both of us or maybe " force him" to do it so by getting used with me.But by doing this , I not only got hurt but also tired of everything.

Love is not disposable ...

I believe in love . I just don't believe In his love anymore.

2015 no more illusions . It's about time to get clean for all the things that stopped me from sharing love.

It's a goodbye ... But as we all know : " every new beginning comes from some other beginnings ' end"

... Closing time.